I found this graphic and I started to laugh cause I always called you my lil monkey or called ya King Kong...lol... I LoVe YoU...
I haven't actually sat down here at the site & watched the slideshow, I guess sometimes I like to live in denial that your gone. But I guess sat here and watched the slideshow of pictures and once again it hits home your gone and not coming back. That I need to stop waiting for my cell to ring or I need to stop listening for the horn outside. You know when I hear people beeping outside for a split second I jump up and think about running to the window that it's you outside picking me up, and then I stop myself and say he's not here what are you doing to yourself. This really sucks Gene, you really had no clue how much you were going to be missed. Wait til I get my hands on you up there lol...your gonna hear my mouth...lol...I say that all the time & laugh that your prolly saying whew I'm up here I can take a break for a while and not hear Tina's mouth...lol...So I decorated the site for you for Valentine's Day, it was tough...but I think it came out nice...I was asking people if it was too much lol you know me I can over do it lol especially when it comes to you. I'm so lonely without you Gene. I miss your voice, your laughter, your wise cracks, your arms, your love, you being protective, heck I even miss you yelling at me lol...I would give anything for you to be here ANYTHING! I know you look down on every one and say what did I do, and I know you are saying your OK, but I know when you see everyone so upset and so lost without you, you are saying please don't be like that I am OK and I'm with you but I know you have a feeling of what did I do. Since your 3 month anniversary I have had a sense of peace. And I know you are in complete Peace. But it's so hard without you Gene, so very hard. It's hard waking up not being in your arms. It's so hard waking up not seeing missed calls on my phone from you. It's so hard not waking up and calling you first thing. It was a routine for us everyday. I had 4 voicemails saved on my phone and sprint deletes them after 30 days I kept forwarding them and by accident I didn't get to forward them, I missed it by a couple of hours I was so upset about that. The other day I wanted to hear your voice so bad. I did find on my voice memos a message from you from July 12th so at least I have that 30 second clip of your voice. And I have that short video clip on the cell but you only say one quick line on it...But the smirk you give me is s0o0o0o0o cute...I have to try to post it on here...I was looking at the slideshow just now and I look at the pictures I took of you, you would make the cutest faces...alot of people say it all the time how I brought a side out in you and I can see that thru the pics...you would make such adorable faces for me with the camera...there is a picture I took of you in your room and someone asked me if I took that one of you and I said yes they said you can see him saying I love you thru the eyes...that's the one with the cigarette in your mouth...and I stopped and looked at it and said yea look how cute he looks there. Alot of people like that picture, and had asked me for copies of it. I guess people like that one cause how sincere you look in it. And when I look in your eyes in that pic I can feel that too, you being sincere and saying I love you. Oh Gene I miss you so much. I'm a mess without you. I am trying though I really am trying. It's just so hard, there's days it just s0 damn hard to get out of the bed...I love you baby...I will love you forever...I will be your Valentine forever...Hugs & Kisses to you Sweet Cheeks...Mwaaaaaa
What a wonderful gift you have given in memory of Gene. Valentine's is all about love and you have portrayed that in this page. Gene seemed liked a real card..full of life and energy...always smiling and very family oriented. I know you must miss him sooooooooooo much. Gene will live on thru the efforts you have made in doing this site. My prayers are with you . Wanda .....Scott's Aunt
Please do not think that I've forgotten either of you.I do think of you both, often. I wanted to light a candle at christmas, but couldn't remember where I'd put the password or your e-mail address. It's funny you should light a candle for Wesley yesterday, I was going to light one for Gene last night and spent all my time hunting for the password. I found it just before I went to work this morning and promised myself I'd use it tonight, then I get in from work and find you've lit one already. Weird, that's what I call it! But I've now put your info in a safe place so I'll be back soon. So for the moment, take care Tina, rest easy Gene and I will talk to you soon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, with all my love, Gina xx Close
Here are our Angels by our Date of Birth & what they mean... / Tina Read >>
Here are our Angels by our Date of Birth & what they mean... / Tina
Cassiel
The angel for Saturday October 18, 1975
Cassiel is the ruling Prince of the Seventh Heaven who appears as the Angel of Temperance and Prince of the Order of Powers. The Angel of Saturn is said to bind together the unity of the Eternal Kingdom. Saturday, the day of the Sabbath, brings us together with the forces that Charge the Angels of the Day to Power. The Birth of Creation then begins on Sunday. In Genesis, all life begins within the mind of our God on Saturday, in darkness, where, on this day in rest, the charge of thoughts and ideas for the coming week are planned. From this day, forces are unified and organized for the new week when the Angels are charged to Power.
Cassiel is the Angel ruling over games of chance and luck, and as such can become a source of our good fortune. Cassiel is a patron Angel for the investor, stock broker, or gambler. Self-discipline and temperance are the two sources of good fortune, or luck, and when they are lacking, bring our sadness and anger.
Cassiel rules over the elements of Earth and salt and the metal lead. Our intentions on the days and hours of Saturn should involve Penitence, Meditations, Maturity, Science, Investing or Business, Planning and Crystallizing. Clothing worn should be wine, magenta, or black in color. Diamonds or black colored jewelry should be worn. In order to be lucky, one must act lucky and bring "good luck" to all those around him, for the benefit of all.
and now my Angel:
Anael The angel for Friday November 26, 1976
Angel Anael is considered to be Governor of the Second Heaven, Chief of Principalities, Prince of Archangels and controller of Kingdoms, Love and Fertility, Pleasure and Health. This Angel of Love rules over the Air and the Earth, and the metal copper. Love is the source of all intuition, learning and knowledge, as well as pleasure and joy. We truly know only that which we first love. Anael, as the Angel of Love, brings a secret knowledge and virtue to all those who love others as themselves. Clothing worn on Friday should have green, pink, copper or rose as the major color.
Our intentions on the days and hours of Venus will involve Love, Health, Romance, Fertility, Beauty, Money, Jewelry, Cosmetics, Pleasure and Friendship. The tool of Friday is incense, which is commonly burned through ritual or as an offering of Love to the Infinite unseen forces around us. These forces will bring us all up together for the harmony of the World. If we will forgive, we will be forgiven. Love and Peace, Bliss and Joy, Health and Harmony are yours for the giving and taking on this day.
I LOVE YOU GENE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD...FOREVER AND ALWAYS...MWAAA SWEETIE
I'm OK Gene I am OK... / Tina (He's My Soul Mate :) )Read >>
I'm OK Gene I am OK... / Tina (He's My Soul Mate :) )
I don't know what you have done, or maybe it's all the people that have kept me in their thoughts & prayers this week, or maybe it's a combination, but Gene I am OK right now. Can you believe it? I feel like your smiling right now looking down on me, Happy that I am OK for the past 2 days. It's almost 48 hours and I haven't cried...I mean I cried yesterday for a short while but I was smiling when I was crying, it was a joyful cry not a cry of sadness...I feel Peace, I feel Love, I feel you...I can't explain this feeling I have...Where it came from...I don't know how to explain it...I feel like your OK, your Peaceful, your happy, your sending your love. My God Gene I hope this feeling lasts. Seriously, for a minute there I thought I was losing my mind for the past 2 weeks. But now there is a sense of peace. I am calm. I didn't know what this feeling was before. Actually Gene I have never had a sense of peace, my life was always crazy full of insanity, you know what I am talking about. It's not like that, on your 3 month anniversary something changed. Something is different. And I love it and I am thankful my love. Simply thankful. I know your taking care of me. I know you are guiding me. I can feel it. I'm not saying I don't miss you like crazy, or that your not on my mind all day & night, or that I am not still in love with you. Everything is the same, my love, me missing you, me thinking about you, me praying for you, me hoping to dream of you every night, me asking to feel your presence everything is there sweetie everything is still there and still very strong. I just feel a sense of peace. A calmness I never felt before EVER. I don't know how to explain it, I am trying my best to, but the best word I can use is peace. A complete feeling of peace. Oh Gene I love you so much. I can scream it at the top of my lungs I LOVEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUU GENEEEEEEEEE :) lol I know your laughing right now, saying your crazy T and getting the red lil blush in your face...awwwww...I know you, I know how you act, all the time blushing...That just reminded me of when we went to atlantic city for that week, and I remember how cute you were when we got there and remember in the room how you got like a lil boy an innocent lil boy, putting your head down, shy leaning against the wall and we started to talk and your turned red in your cheeks and were blushing and I started to laugh and grabbed you and kissed you and held you and I told you I loved you and said you looked so adorable cause you were blushing and being so shy and I said I can't believe it MY GENE SHY?!?!?!? Your never shy with me about anything always so blunt & honest and we laughed and you said well you know how I can get and we just hugged again...How cute of a moment...There are tons of cute moments I can remember but that one just popped into my head...awwwww your such a cutie...I swear...I love you so much...I miss your adorable face...Mwaaaaaaa...There's a kiss for you sweetie...I have so many good memories Gene, I think of them all the time. I guess that gets me thru too, cause I can honestly say there is WAY MORE good than bad...And I say it all the time to everyone I am so0o0o0o0o grateful for that. The memories the tons of good loving memories. The respect we had for each other. Never once did we ever disrespect each other like we were so used to doing to others. It amazes me to this day that love & respect we had, so rare for the both of us right? We always said that to each other, how we respected each other, we could drive each other nuts yes of course, but even thru those moments never lost the respect for each other. I was blessed Gene I was so blessed to have you in my life, I am getting teary eyed right now but I am smiling not a sad cry it's a happy cry, I was truly blessed to have you in my life for so long. You always said you leaned on me and I was your rock, your safe haven and you didn't realize you were mine. How much effect on my life you had all these years. Your friendship & love how much it helped me and guided me. I know you would say no you did it for me but Gene we did it for each other. We truly complimented each other. You know what just popped into my head, cause I am feeling such Peace and crying a happy joyful cry for you, I am wondering does it take 90 days to get your wings up there? LoL, is there where all this peace is coming from? You got your wings on your 3 month anniversary lol...is that what's going on? Cause Gene I don't understand what's going on with me...lol...it's almost spooking me a lil...I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE...and I know you know what I am talking about, think over all the years of our friendship you know what I mean...Did your Halo come in on the 90th day? lol was it on back order? lol...I am just joking...but see, there is my sense of humor...it's coming back, you know me & you all we did was laugh, ALL THE TIME. 2 characters...laughing non stop...You know a lot of people have said that to me when they think back about me and you seeing us together, the first thing that pops into their mind is laughter, how they would see you smile & laugh well the both of us, but the key word is laughter, you were always so emotional and down or your emotions up & down and people say it to me all the time, Gene's voice and ora and his spirit was always different around you Tina, there was a sparkle in his eye a smile on his face. You know how many times I have heard that???? TONSSSS...even when you were here with us, you know it, people said it to you...That is so very special to me, to hear that...Even ex-girlfriends to say that to me that I brought out a side of you that they couldn't from years ago...Awww sweetie that is so special & dear to my heart. And I think about everything from when we were 10 years old to the last 5 days of your life here with us...and I think about what people tell me, how people saw us, I think about our conversations, our emotions, our friendship, our love for each other and I know Gene you are my soul mate. I know it...without a doubt...think about everything we have ever been through, think about everything from when we were 10 years old right to the end and I know you will see it...That's another thing, as mad as I was at you recently, I am glad I forgave you and was with you the last week just wish you would have called me that night but I am not going to go there right now...You know what I mean...But the last week I was able to share emotions with you, kiss your lips, hold you in my arms, sleep in your arms, listen to your heartbeat while I slept on your chest, gave you your favorite back massages, look into those sexy seductive eyes, laugh with you, tell you how much I loved you, hear you snore in my ear lol, get locked in that powerful leg lock lol hear you tell me you loved me more than I knew, and have one of our long heart to heart talks about life, both our lives (not realizing it was our last) but I am grateful we did have that talk. I am grateful that we shared our hopes & dreams one last time with each other. I love you Gene I love you so very much. And I promise you, I will do everything we had planned cause I know in my heart you will be with me in spirit for the rest of my life and will be right there by my side while I make our dreams come true. I love you BiG DaDDy :) Forever and always...You are my heart, my soul, my world. You are my everything. And I know when my time comes Gene I will see those beautiful eyes and that sweet smile and feel your strong warm arms around me welcoming me into Heaven. I know in my heart & soul we will spend eternal life together, this was not the right time for us here, God just put us together over and over all these years to prepare us for Heaven, for eternal life :) But our eternal life will be full of love, peace & happiness and no one to interupt us or get in the way of our happiness.I love you Sweet Cheeks. I love you forever...Rest Easy, Sleep Peacefully in Heaven & please continue to love me, guide me & give me strength. Mwwwwaaaaaa x0x0x0x0x0x0
My HoNeY u did it again for me...Mwaaaaa / Tina (My BaBy )Read >>
My HoNeY u did it again for me...Mwaaaaa / Tina (My BaBy )
From my lips to your Sugar Lips in Heaven. I LoVe YoU Forever & always. Thank you for loving me. & letting me win! Mwaaaa
My SUGAR LIPS,
I LOVEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUU...tonight I hit the pick 4 on your birthday number 1018...it came out box 8101...400 BUCKSSSSSSSSSSSS Honey thank u mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I know I can hear ya now T, u owe me half...lol...I love you Gene, u have been bringing me so much luck & then when I collected my money I bought a scratch off & won $20...I can't believe it...it's def u bringing me luck I NEVER win anything...So this past week I have won on the football box & now this...Mwaaaaaa Baby...From my lips to yours in Heaven...it's funny I was about to have a break down and my sister called to tell me Tee I think u won and sure enough I did and I finally smiled Gene, I finally smiled a REAL not forced smile cause I said it's him its my honey bringing me luck...I said u prolly said someone call her hurry tell her she won she's about to have a break down for me...lol...I was happy tonight Gene, truly happy, kissing your pictures thanking you and telling how much I love you & miss you and to keep it coming lol...But I will be honest Gene, as happy as I was I felt guilty for being happy without you here. I want to be happy with you here. I wanted to call you & tell you I WON I WON and hear you say T, you owe me half you owe me half!!! :-P Oh Honey I miss you so much, miss you like crazy...I just wanted to share with you my feelings of happiness. I have had such a bad depression since New Years and now this week brought me happiness. And I just wanted to tell you how much I love you & miss you. And of course to thank you for bringing me luck this week 2 times. I know I was just saying to you yesterday where are you Gene I don't feel you I need you...and then I hit this was your way of saying I'm right here T right? And plus the 3 dreams this week of you...Gene I am smiling, I am really smiling right now...and I am crying but I am crying a happy cry honey can you believe it. Cause of all the signs this week. I know you are watching over me and sending me signs and showing me love. "Thank you for loving me". Just when I couldn't feel you and I thought you left my side here you are sending me signs...I love you baby...Your 3 month anniversary in Heaven & you sent me a gift...And I am sending you my heart & soul and all of my love... Rest Easy Sweetie & Sleep Peacefully in Heaven I am OK today because of you...From my lips to your sugar lips in heaven Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Three Blue Hearts for your Three Month Anniversary in Heaven Gene. From my Heart that is so blue without you, to your Heart in Heaven. I Love You and hope your time in Heaven has been full of Peace, Love & Serenity. I will love you always & forever.
Hey Sweet Cheeks, So I was struggling since New Years, having a HARD TIME. I can't believe it's 3 months today, where did 3 months go? It feels like yesterday...Will time ever heal? I had a couple of good emails come thru from the online support group. Gave me some strength and some hope. I lite a candle for you at 12:06 am and placed it in front of your pictures. At 12:10 I lite a candle on the website for you as well. It's 4 am now and I have to try to get some sleep. I am so sad right now sweetie. I signed on under my other screen name and I get these Word of the day emails and what more of a perfect Word of the day than this: All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. Julian of Norwich Revelations of Divine Love Of course I took it as a sign...that I guess in time all shall be well, maybe a sign that all is well with you in Heaven...I don't know...I know right now I am not well...I can only hope I will be well in time without you. I miss you baby miss you with all my heart...My love will never die and never drift far away...I know you are with me in spirit all the time, but to be honest Gene it's not good enough...I just want you here so bad...I hope all is well in Heaven...I know it is...I know your in Peace complete Peace & smile everyday...I can only hope & pray that the past 3 months in Heaven are all that you hoped it would be full of Peace, Love, Happiness, Serenity...I LoVe YoU BiG DaDDy, lol...Forever Rest in Peace My Love...Please send me signs from Heaven sweetie...I wanna see you in my dreams tonight...You have been coming to them alot lately and I thank you for that...they are always so loving and pleasant, surreal...The only bad thing is I wake thinking sometimes like what was that real is he here, he's not gone right? And then I snap back into reality and say He is gone :( But I don't care if I can dream of you every night then please sweetie come to me in my dreams every night. I love being able to see your beautiful smile, hear your voice, see those seductive eyes, that cute smirk, hear you tell me you love me, to feel you, to feel your arms around me...at least I can have you in my dreams so please honey it's 4:05 am I am going to try to get some sleep so I can get up at a decent time to come to the cemtery tomorrow to bring you roses, please come to me in my dreams I need to kiss your Sugar Lips :) I will love you for the rest of my life Gene...always...And until my time comes when we reunite in Heaven please don't forget about me and don't forget to come visit in my dreams sweetie, that will get me thru and give me hope and know one day we will be together again in Heaven, and we can drive each other nuts again lol...I can hear you now laughing saying yeah I'm taking a break from you right now lol at least up here you can't drive me nuts right? LoL...OK Sugar Lips, rest easy & sleep peacefully in Heaven my love...Mwaaaaaaaa...
Our Angels have their wings / Lynette Kish (A survivor )
Dear Tina, This is Lynette, Brittany's mom. You visited her memorial website. I got your email and I am not sure why you could not post but I posted what you wrote. Thank you. I know "I am so sorry for your loss" are words that you have heard a trillion times but words cannot describe the pain I know I feel and I am sure you know what I mean. Gene was so handsome and so full of life. Brittany was the type of person that after 5 minutes of being around her, even if you never met her before it was like you knew her for a lifetime. I am sure Gene and Brittany have met. Even though she was only 16 she was wise beyond her years. I am sure they are looking down on us and protecting us from this so called world. Thank you again for your words and your poem. Keep in touch. Lynette Mom of Brittany 11/29/88-4/11/05 http://www.myangelbrittany.piczo.com
we all miss you <3<3 / Holly
gene you are so missed by everyone that love you you are always in our hearts and soul .<3 you were a great guy to everyone that was around you i love you and miss you so much <3 and ill always be there for tina your mom dad your sis and your little tigger <3<3 i love you gene my sweet cuz<3<3 Close
From my lips to yours in Heaven I Love you Gene always & forever <3 Thank you for loving me <3
Hey Honey, well on sundays they have a $5 a box football pool in the surf club and the last time I won $75 on box 75. I always play boxes 10, 18, 75 and then I pick like 12 or 26 or 76. I pick a total of 4 boxes. So I played this past Sunday and I just checked my voicemail & Carmine from the surf called me and left me a message Sunday that I hit the final for $200 bucks wo0o0o ho0o0o thanks sweetie <333 I know I played boxes 10, 18, 75 and I think box 12 I play those for you...I don't know which box I hit on but either way it's your dates I play anyway so I go collect my cash tomorrow...I didn't even know til just now :) I love you sweetie...I started to laugh cause I know you'd say T, half of that is mine it's my birthday lol...Remember when I used to play the numbers and you would say T, if you hit on my birthday you owe me half it is my birthday after all lol lol...I miss you sweetie I miss ya so freaking much...I wish u were here right now so I could call you and tell you GENE I HIT :) I'm gonna use that to pay my electric bill lol as fast as I won it is as fast as it is spent lol...I miss my Sugar Lips so much...I really wanna use that money to get another tattoo, I wanna get the claddagh cross, but I know I know pay the bills lol...I LOVEEEEEE YOU SWEETIEEEEEE...I had another dream of you the other night, it was so beautiful...I am grateful when I have those dreams cause at least I can feel your lips in my dreams and feel your arms around me in my dreams...I just wish I had them every night and woke to memory of them every morning...Sorry I haven't been to the cemetery to visit you sweetie, as I hope you can see I have been very very sick and just stayin in the bed trying to get better. I am feeling a lil better today & hopefully I will come see you tomorrow...When I was sick this week I was thinking about the time when we were both sick and kept giving it to each other lol...remember that? We knew we should stay away from each other and get better but it didn't matter we couldn't be apart, lol. So what did we do keep getting each other sick...but of course you blamed it all on me lol it was all my fault I brought the germ into the house, lol...ughhh I am remembering that right now we were really sick that time seriously bad bad chest cold. That's actually what I have now went from a head cold to my chest now, that's exactly what happen to us last time...Only good thing about this cold is I have been sleeping a lot. So I caught up on a lot of over due sleep I needed...That's the only good thing, I feel better I caught up on sleep but my body is aching & stuff from the cold...Well my Love, I am going to try to get some sleep now...it's like 5:40 am and I need to go back to sleep I sleep for like 4 hours up for 3 sleep for another 3 or 4 hours & so on...Well Sugar Lips, I LoVe YoU FoReVeR & aLWaYs...Mwaaaaaa BaBy...
Another one of the songs on your CD's / Tina Read >>
Another one of the songs on your CD's / Tina
Here's another one of the songs I put on your CD's I made for you June 05...Everytime I listen to them, I think to myself these songs are so powerful now & I was so afraid of losing you...And this is why I picked the songs I did back then, I felt like I was losing you, losing you forever...My letters to you of the bad feeling I had...Oh God Gene I miss you so much...You are my love, my true love, my soul mate. I miss you so very much. Elmo & Nancy had the baby on Saturday (1/7)...when I went to the hospital I held it in all my tears but came home to shut down. I look at that beautiful baby & think to myself Me & Gene will never have that...It makes me think back to all the times we spoke about a baby...how scared you were of having one...Looking at Victoria makes me think of how much I wish I had a lil Gene. A piece of you...It hurts so much to look at the baby, I hate feeling like that, but I do. I keep thinking what would our baby have looked like, GORGEOUS of course :) you know how many people have said to me T, if you & Gene would have had a baby it would have been so gorgeous either he would have been a beautiful boy & grew up to be a hot stud lol or she would have been a beautiful girl & grew up to be a hot mama...lol...I laugh but remember how we always used to say that "our baby would be gorgeous" how stuck up we were huh? lol...Anyway sweetheart I love you much, I will always love you. Here is the lyrics to that song sweetie:
Klymaxx - I miss you
I thought I heard your voice yesterday When I turned around to say That I loved you than I realized And it was just my mind Playing tricks on me It seems colder lately at night And I try to sleep with the lights on Everytime when the phone rings I pray to God it's you I just can't believe That we're thought
I miss you (I miss you) There's no other way to say it And I, and I can deny it I miss you (I miss you) It's so easy to see
I miss you and me Is it done and over this time? Have we realy changed our minds But it's other's love All the feelings that we used to share I refused to believe That you don't care
I miss you (I miss you) There's no other way to say it And I, and I can deny it I miss you (I miss you) It's so easy to see
I've got together my senses to get there I've been through worse kinds of weather If it's over now, be strong Can't believe that you're gone I got carry over
I miss you (I miss you) There's no other way to say it And I, and I can deny it I miss you (I miss you) It's so easy to see
God grant us this year a wider view So we see other' faults through the eyes of You.. Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue, Neither the adult...nor the young,
Give us patience and grace to endure And a stronger faith so we feel secure, And instead of remembering, help us forget The irritations that caused us to fret
Freely forgiving for some offense And finding each day a rich recompense In offering a friendly, helping hand And trying in all ways to understand
That all of us whoever we are Are trying to reach an unreachable star.. For the great and small...the good and bad, The young and old...the sad and glad
Are asking today, "Is life worth living?" And the answer is only in loving and giving.. For only love can make us kind And kindness of heart brings peace of mind,
And by giving love we can start this year To lift the clouds of hate and fear.
"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name; speak to me in the easy way which you always used; put no difference in your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow; laugh, as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together; pray, smile, think of me, pray for me; let my name be ever the household word that it always was; let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant; it is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near -- Just around the corner. All is well."
Henry Scott Holland Canon of St Paul's, London 1847 - 1918
My Endless Love...I need answers from you... / Tina Dore
Oh My Honey, remember when you used to play this song and we'd sit with each other rocking back & forth side to side and sing it and be all so sweet & emotional with each other :) Remember you used to say T, we look so corny right now. Nah we didn't we just looked in love, that's all. How emotional we both were...I miss you so much. These are the lil things I miss so much. At times it seemed like nothing but now that your gone, they mean so much...YOU ARE my endless love...I had such a bad week Gene, a really bad week...& now I got a terrible cold...so now I'm depressed & sick...great combo...lol...but on a lighter note, I think I am moving...I really want to move out of state to florida I am thinking about, thinking a lot about it...actually I have been thinking about an RV and driving just going all over til I find a place I want to live...sounds crazy right? But I always wanted to do that, and I feel like now is the time to do it. You know how much I hate Staten Island. Everything reminds me of you here. Anything I do, anywhere I drive, stores, everything reminds of you EVERYTHING. It's just so depressing. But then I think to myself, if I leave Staten Island then I won't be able to come to the cemetery like I do. Like I'm leaving you behind. I don't want to feel like that either. I don't know Gene the thoughts are racing and I want to just go, get up & go anywhere, just out of here. I know you wouldn't be upset with me and I shouldn't feel like I am leaving you behind if I leave the state I know you would say go. I just have to decide where I am going to go. I have an option right now to move out of this apartment to another neigborhood that's another thing I can do. I know 100% you would say take that apartment, you s0o0o0 wanted me out of South Beach, so I think if I am not going to pick up and move to Florida or leave the state I am going to take that apartment for now. You know me I can't make decisions this is where you come in lol, you would make the decision for me. A part of me is saying to stay on Staten Island right now, go back to school, get my nursing license, and then pick up and leave the state. But can I wait that long? I don't know Gene I really need you right now. I am all over the place, do I stay in Staten Island, move to the new apartment, go to school for 4 years get my degree and then decide where to move? Or do I stay in my apartment now cause my Mom & Sister are downstairs and just focus on school? Or do I pack everything up and move to florida, find a place & go to school out there? Or do I jump in an RV and just drive and go where ever see things I always wanted to see, live life to the fullest, enjoy myself and find a state or find a town I like & live there and then start school? I am at a crossroad Gene and I can't decide. I really wish you were here to tell me what to do. I love you sweetie. I love you bunches...Send me signs sweetie on what I should do, you would always tell me what I should do...I need an answer Sugar Lips...lol...Mwaaaa I love you baby...
Endless Love Lyrics.... My love, There’s only you in my life The only thing that’s bright
My first love, You’re every breath that I take You’re every step I make
And i (i-i-i-i-i) I want to share All my love with you No one else will do...
And your eyes Your eyes, your eyes They tell me how much you care Ooh yes, you will always be My endless love
Two hearts, Two hearts that beat as one Our lives have just begun
Forever (ohhhhhh) I’ll hold you close in my arms I can’t resist your charms
And love Oh, love I’ll be a fool For you, I’m sure You know I don’t mind Oh, you know I don’t mind
’cause you, You mean the world to me Oh I know I know I’ve found in you My endless love
Oooh, and love Oh, love I’ll be that fool For you, I’m sure You know I don’t mind Oh you know- I don’t mind
And, yes You’ll be the only one ’cause no one can deny This love I have inside And I’ll give it all to you My love My love, my love My endless love Close
The Balm Of God's Love / LISA X. When we lose someone we love The loss seems too great to bear God sends us friends to comfort us To show that He deeply cares
But in the dark hours of the night When there’s nobody else around When we feel the saddest and loneliest It’s there God’s love can be found
It’s like a soothing, healing balm To soothe our broken hearts The healing oil poured over us That flows into every part
We can rest secure in God’s love And know He’s by our side He holds us when we feel as though A part of us has died
We can know that God will listen When we just want to talk And when we feel we need to cry We can share it with the Lord
For He is always waiting there Ready with arms open wide As we pour out the hurt within He pours His love inside
Our Father above loves us so much And will never leave us alone He will not forsake us in our need To face this on our own
He comforts us and strengthens us And rubs us with His balm And as the dawn breaks through the night We’ll awake in His loving arms
Hey Sweetie guess what I'm watching Grease...lol...I wish you were here right now so I could watch it with you, ya know...So we could sing the songs together lol...Just now the part of Rizzo came on when she sings: There are worse things I could do, than go with a boy or two (lol) Even though the neighborhood thinks I'm trashy and no good I suppose it could be true, (hmmmm lol?) but there are worse things I could do I could flirt with all the guys, smile at them and bat my eyes. (yup lol) Press against them when we dance, make them think they stand a chance (I can't write the word u'd used for that here lol but u know it lol) and then refuse to see it through, (that word would be repeated here lol) that's the thing I'd never do. (& u know that) I can stay home every nightwait around for Mr. Right, (won't ever happen) take cold showers everyday, (that won't happen either only hot ones lol) and throw my life away,(i know I hear u now) on a dream that won't come trueI could hurt someone like me,(i know I hear u again) out of spite or jealousy,(oh how spiteful & jealous we both could be lol) I don't steal and I don't lie, but I can feel and I cry In fact I'll bet you never knew, (there's alot you never knew :-( but to cry in front of you, that's the worse thing I could do. Perfect right...I miss you some much Gene. You are the only person in this world that understood me. I am so very lost without you. I sit and think to myself all the time I will never find another person like you to comfort me, who understands me. Who can relate to me. Who can see right thru me. Sometimes I think you knew me better than I knew myself. I never had such a connection with someone before in my life. You always knew exactly what I was thinking, it always amazed me. It amazed me that by my face or just my voice you always knew what was going on in my head. No one could ever read me like that. How you used to tell me you think your slick, your not T, well not with me anyway. And how I couldn't deny it as soon as you called it, lol I mean you gotta give it to me I tried lol but it never happen, lol. Remember how you used to tell me you don't trust people and you knew I was the same. But we trusted each other so much. Gene I can't ever have that with another person in my life. This world is full of pain and deceit. But with you I trusted my life. I read your letters again the other night and you say in my letter I hope we get close again cause I love you and trust you T, I don't trust many people and you are one of the people I have complete trust in. Oh Gene why didn't you call me that night? You always said how much you loved me & trusted me. Why didn't you trust me that night? I love you baby I love you so much. You know you always said I was so sensitive and remember how I'd say who me? LOL No far from that...and you'd just laugh...and tell me uhhhh yea you...your just as sensitive as me T. Maybe even more. I always try to hide that. I know you told me cause we were the same out of fear & hurt we try to be strong and tough on the outside and act like we're not sensitive right? How fragile we both were inside. But tried to hide it the best we could. Who's gonna understand me like you do? No one can. I always had this fear of losing you, I never thought I would feel this empty, this lost without you. Like half of my soul is gone. No one can fill this void in my heart. Time can not mend this hole. Maybe the aching part will subside, but the emptiness and hole will never been filled. These days I don't know if I'm coming or going. I try to keep repeating that line from your letter, Honesty is acceptance and acceptance will lead you to serenity, it's freedom of the mind & soul. I try to say this over and over again to accept that your gone. Will I ever get there? What is serenity? Will I ever have freedom of the mind & soul? These days I can't see it. Maybe with your guidance and strength I will. You know how weak & fragile I am...I love you Gene, love you so much & miss you like crazy...Mwwaaaaaaaa...x0x0xoxx0ox0ox0ox0ox0ox0xo0xo
I really need you right now Gene seriously / Tina Dore
Gene I am a mess. I can't breathe, I can't move, I am falling apart. I can't handle this pain anymore. I am so stressed out. I finally got that check I was waiting for today and I had to force myself to smile. Can you imagine I had to actually force a smile!!!!!!!!!!!! If you were here, I would have been excited, smiling, calling you saying Gene it's here look what do you want to do. Your not here, I can't call you, I can't be excited. I am trying to force myself to be but I can't. I know you would have been so happy for me you would have had a "plan" lol saying T, oh that's good I am so happy for you finally. You needed this. Now you can do the things you wanted to do. And then I know you and your wise cracks would have said ok listen this is what we are gonna do, or you would have said what are you gonna buy me lol, then say nah I'm just kidding, I don't want anything. But I know you would have said T, let's start building you the mustang. Oh God Gene I miss you so much. Something good like this I can't enjoy. I am thinking about moving away. I am seriously thinking about leaving now. I want to go away, run away from everything. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am so out of control right now. You know me a control freak need to be in control all the time, you know how that goes. And I am not in control. I am so far gone. The thoughts going through my mind are crazy. They don't leave. These are the times that I would call you and cry to you and say Gene this is what's going on, crying to you, yell to you and you would tell me what to do, how to handle it, do what's right. I know in my heart what you would say I just need to hear you say it to me. I need to hear your voice. I need to see your cute smirk or you beautiful smile, I need to see your sad seductive eyes. I need to feel your arms around me and you playing with my hair and caressing my face. Gene I miss you so damn much. And my days are getting worse and worse without you. I am so alone, so lost, so very empty. My anger and rage are coming out again. My hurt and me putting a wall up is coming back. The isolating is back. I tried for the past couple of days to come out of it, I can't. I don't want to leave the house, I don't answer the phone. And I have been feeling lately like I want to cut you out of my life. The emotions are going nuts this week. New Years was bad and set me off to this bad week. New Years was worse than Christmas, why I don't know but it just was. Sending me in a wild whirlwind. Then to top of New Years being bad New Years Day some cruel idiot puts a bue mustang on my car windshield, no note nothing just wanted to upset me and make me think of you in the New Year like someone was playing a sick joke. Can you believe that how sick & cruel people could be? I could never do that so someone seriously. That even hurt me more this week. Made my New Years worse. Then I keep thinking maybe if I just cut you out of my life and put your pictures away, stay away from the grave. Stay off the site I can just let go and move on. A part of me does and a part of me doesn't want to. Yet again I am on an emotional roller coaster with you but this time your not here. I am out of control. I really need you right now to help me. The panic attacks are getting worse. The stress is overwhelming. I am just so lost without you. I can't believe that I will never see you again, I will never hear your voice again, I can't pick up the phone & call you, I can't jump in the car and come get you. I am never going to kiss your lips, sleep in your arms, listen to your heartbeat while I sleep on your chest. I will never stare into your eyes. I will never rub your heart and snuggle with you. I will never get locked in your leg lock lol, I will never stare into your eyes and not speak but let our eyes doing the talking. I will never hear your laughter. I'll never hear the annoying jaw clicking noise lol and so much more. This is crazy I keep trying to tell myself you are coming back but I know your not coming back. I am all over the place Gene all over. I miss you too much. I got people harassing me that's overwhelming too. Why do people want to do this to me? Why do they want to bother me like this? And then there is this feeling of disbelief and anger with God. I am sorry to say it but I can't control these emotions. Why couldn't God help you? Why did God allow you to suffer. You were a wonderful, beautiful, humble, sincere, kind, loving man with a beautiful heart. Why couldn't God take the issues away from you like you asked of him? Now I am getting these feelings of disbelief of me seeing you again in Heaven. Is there really a Heaven? Am I going to see you again? Or is this it? Do I have nothing to look forward to, that you are just gone? I'm a mess. You know at a point I thought to myself yes, I will be reunited with Gene again in Heaven, but now I am in full rage and I can't see it anymore. I need your strength right now, I need to feel your presence. I have so many unanswered questions. So many subjects we didn't touch. So many things I need to know. I need to know your feelings your true feelings. So far I can only go by what I know you said to me. But then I think of negative things and it makes me wonder what the truth is. Do others know the truth and they just won't tell me cause they don't want to hurt my feelings? I don't know...I am all over the place. All I know is I need your strength right now, I need your love, I need your guidance. I need for you to show me signs. I need truth. This is what's gonna get me thru is truth. But will I ever get truth that I need? Prolly not and this is why I think I will continue to torture myself over and over again. I'm sorry Gene, I just need you so much right now. And I need answers. I love you so very much. And miss you like crazy. Please send me signs and signs of truth. I need my questions answered. I can't go on like this assuming what could have, should have been, or what I think we had. I need to know from your heart. But I will never get this, and this is driving me nuts...I'm sorry sweetie. I just love you and I'm a mess...I love you always...Tina
The hosting of this website is sponsored by Tina M. Dore. I love you Gene, forever in my heart. You are so loved & so very much missed. Until we meet again in Heaven you will be forever my love.
Audio & Video
Gene loved this song wanted it as his entrance song for boxing-Creed-My Sacrifice
Tributes and Condolences
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