Thank you for sending me Paul to love again...  / Gene's T-Dog Forever In My Heart (His Soulmate/Best Friend )

I want to thank you for watching over me and for sending me such an amazing person in my life. I swore in 2005 I would never find happiness again, I would never love again and I would never find a person to make me smile, laugh and enjoy life.

It's almost 4 years you left and to be honest it's flown by but I have to say there was a bad bad time I went through. I prayed HARD very HARD to You and God to give me the strength to change my life around.

I know through Pray and YOU being my Guardian Angel this is why I got through it. Without your knowledge, wisdom, strength, belief in me I wouldn't have gotten through and beat the odds but I DID! And I know it's because you were there for me from above guiding me giving me the strength.

It's still hard to not be able to pick up the phone and call you and tell you everything you were my Best Friend in the whole world. The one person in this world who knows me inside and out and knows everything A to Z that only Myself and God would know. I miss that friendship I miss you, I miss you being here to just listen to give me advice and help me. You were always there for me no matter what. You always made me feel so special, so loved and like I was something so wonderful. After you left I turned to stone and felt cold, hard and didn't care about anything in life. I thought how do I move forward and live life without you here.

I went through a lot these past few years of you not here and I know if you were here I would not have went through them. I just know it in my heart. But it's ok I accept it and I accept them as learning experiences. Most of all I have learned how to live again.

I told myself I would never open my heart up again to anyone else and this was the end of love for me. I guess you had other plans in store for me like you always did LOL.

I remember all our conversations you know hanging out for 12 hours then being on the phone for 8 more hours LOL only us right LOL But I do remember all the positive good stuff you always put in my head and I always remember you telling me Tina you deserve better, you deserve to be happy. Only part I hated was when you would say Tee I don't deserve you, your too good for me, I hated when you would say that cause it was bullshit. But I know you feel different now in Heaven your thoughts are all good and positive and you now know YOU did deserve MY LOVE YOU were MORE than Worthy of my heart.

And I know you finally decided to send me someone so amazing, so special to enjoy life with and live again. It's like he's brought me back to life. There was an instant connection and it was just so weird the way we connected me and Paul, but when I sit home alone and I pray, talk and write to you I said to myself it's Gene. You know how I am sweetie, I'm never like that with guys, I don't connect like that I stand offish, cold, blunt and don't open my heart and he just touched my soul from the very beginning. I can say I am truly blessed to have him in my life. And just like I tell Paul it's God and Gene who brought us together. There is no other reason possible.

I can see me spending the rest of my life with him. He makes me happy all the time, completes me. Again he brought me back to life. And just the timing, after all the heartache, after the horrible issues in 2008 and then getting it together then here comes this amazing man like he was my reward for changing my life around. But I know you picked him for me, reason I know this is because I think about Paul how he is, what he is all about, his traits and character and I know you picked him for me knowing how I am, what I need, what I want, what I look for, and how I am. YOU honey YOU sent him to me. And I love you for that.

I am in love with him Gene. I will be honest I felt guilty for saying that and even writing that but I remember what you always told me and just like your mother says to me My Son wants you to live and be happy and I am Gene. Our love is different and no one will ever replace what we shared and like your mother says why would you want to have that with anyone else that was special between you and my son. And she's 100% right.

I do love Paul and I am finally happy. But I know you want me to love again but love the right person you know they say you only get 3 great loves in your life. You were my Great love and you know who else I loved that you always told me Tee it's not going to work you were right but I can't lie and say I didn't love Sean cause I did but here it is my 3rd Great Love Paul. So this is like my last call huh? LOL

I know you watch over me everyday, and I hope you watch over me and Paul and see how wonderful he is to me and how amazing he treats me, what a gentleman he is with morals, manners, respect and makes me laugh and smile everyday. I really hope and pray you watch over us cause he makes me happy and completes me and like I said brought me back to life.

I really just wanted to write you a letter to tell you a few things:

1.) I miss you everyday not a day goes by your not in my heart on my mind and you will forever be.

2.) I love you and I always will no matter what happens in this lifetime you will always have a piece of my heart with you in Heaven. And I want to make sure you know that. I now understand what your mother meant that I will love again it will just be different, but I don't want you my angel to ever think my love will ever go away for you.

3.) I wanted to thank you for bringing Paul into my life. I see the signs and some of them I keep inside I don't say anything to anyone not even Paul I just see the signs that you are there and it's you that brought him to me. You picked a great guy for me and I'm forever grateful for that. Cause my track history wasn't too good LOL we both know that. So again I am grateful and thank you so much for bringing Paul into my life, and showing me that I can love again, you want me to love again, you want me to be happy and enjoy life and build a life full of happiness and love with Paul. Which I plan to do.

4.) I ask of you to please always watch over me, guide me to all positive things steer me away from negative stuff and protect me from all evil things. Help me to always have the clear positive vision of all good things in life. I also ask that you watch over my family and the doggies I know you loved Gia but watch over Christian too ok lol and let's not forget Nikki and Frankie :-) But most of all please watch over me and Paul, guide us, protect us, give us strength, knowledge, wisdom, courage, and hopefully we can build a life together full of love, wealth, health, happiness with peace and be content. Something tells me he is the one I am going to spend my life with (maybe I'm wrong, but nah I don't think so) so please show him love to, cause I know you sent him to me. Let us build a life together and all the prayers I say for me and him and my wishes on stars please Gene help them come true

And lastly I just want to say it again, no matter what happens in my life meaning the love I have for Paul I will always love you. You will always have a piece of my heart and you will always be on my mind and I will never forget you, our memories, nothing. I just know it's time to move forward with life to enjoy it and give my heart and soul to Paul and love again.

I love you Gene, God I am just thinking all the memories since we were 9 years old. No one has the memories and good times we had I don't care what anyone says, what we had was one of a kind and I appreciate all of them. I cherish the memories 20 years of them. It Ain't Easy...

Oh and please Gene I know you are watching what that nut is doing to me for months now and has your name in his mouth, the evil things he says and does, all I ask of you is to allow KARMA come his way. We both know if you were here what would happen but I'm not asking for that I'm just asking for him to hurt, be in pain to use your name and my name in vain and how he harasses me You know exactly what he is doing please Gene teach him a lesson whatever you want to send his way, scare him, just something cause he deserves it. He knows I am happy in love with Paul and now is really trying to start in even more. And I ask you to Let KARMA hit him HARD! That way he just leaves me and Paul alone and keeps your name outta his mouth. Whether it's his court date, losing his business, something anything I just can't take the harassment I don't care about shit he does to me but when it comes to you, you know how protective I am of you...Teach him a lesson Big Daddy!

I Love You Always!

I Miss You like Crazy!

Thank you again for showing me I can live life, enjoy it and can finally love someone who deserves my heart. Thank you for always protecting me and watching over me. You will always be my Big Daddy! Love You Sweetie!

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Sending you a Birthday Cake Express with Love to Heaven!  / Tina (My Baby! )
Hey Baby,

I'm sending you a Birthday Cake filled with all my love and all my kisses to Heaven. I pray your 3rd Birthday in Heaven was as Peaceful as you so longed for...I love you baby! Miss you like crazy, and long for the day I get to kiss those sexy lips again!

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Happy Birthday In Heaven My Love!  / Tina (My Soulmate )

It's Midnight, I just lite an Ivory Libra Pillar Candle with seashells around it and pink hearts beside your picture, and I'm blasting "Spirit in the Sky" song that you LOVED So Much!

Happy Birthday in Heaven My Love!

You would have been 32 today...How I miss you Gene, and wish you were here to celebrate with me...I pray you come to my dreams and we can be together in my dreams and celebrate your birthday...if I can only have you in my dreams for now until we meet again in Heaven I will hold onto them, cherish them until we reunite baby!

I Love You Always and Forever - Happy Peaceful Birthday in Heaven!

I will come to see you at the cemetery today, I'm bringing you, your favorite coffee and Jelly donut LOL and of course my pepsi!

Happy Birthday in Heaven My Love...Until we meet again...I will always love you, and everything I do, I do in your memory baby!

Sending all my love  and kisses  to Heaven on this day as always...I'm so heartbroken without you... 

Loving you always,
Tina
Your T-Doggie

 

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Endless Love Lyrics - Lionel Richie Diana Ross  / TiNa (My Soulmate )
Gene and I used to play this song all the time and sing it to each other and rock back and forth at the computer...we always did it, but would laugh at each other after we would sing it

But this was our one of our songs...

My love,
Theres only you in my life
The only thing thats bright

My first love,
Youre every breath that I take
Youre every step I make

And i
(i-i-i-i-i)
I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do...

And your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun

Forever
(ohhhhhh)
Ill hold you close in my arms
I cant resist your charms

And love
Oh, love
Ill be a fool
For you,
Im sure
You know I dont mind
Oh, you know I dont mind

cause you,
You mean the world to me
Oh
I know
I know
Ive found in you
My endless love

Oooh-woow
Boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom, booom
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom

Oooh, and love
Oh, love
Ill be that fool
For you,
Im sure
You know I dont mind
Oh you know-
I dont mind

And, yes
Youll be the only one
cause no one can deny
This love I have inside
And Ill give it all to you
My love
My love, my love
My endless love Close

Gene, it's 2 days until your Birthday...  / Tina (My Love... )
Please come to me in my dreams tonight, I am getting ready for bed now, and have 2 interviews tomorrow please let me get the jobs, also baby please come to me in my dreams tonight, I am begging that you do, I want to see you, hold you, kiss your lips and see that amazing smile you always give me in my dreams. I want to be able to dream of you every night this week, I really need to see you in my dreams my love this week. It's been rough. 24 months your gone, now your 32nd Birthday is coming...I haven't had dreams of you lately, so please sweetie come to my dreams, I am going to bed now...I will pray for your presence in my dreams...I love dreaming of you, at least I can have you there and spend precious time with you in my dreams until we reunite...

So don't make me mad LOL come to my dreams tonight...

Goodnight My Love...

Loving you always & forever...

TiNa & GeNe ~ Always & Forever
Until we meet again in Heaven my Love...
Kisses to Heaven...
MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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The Most Beautiful People  / Tina (My Sweetie )

The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.


Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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Today Marks 2 Years your gone  / Tina
The Weather is exactly the way it was 2 years ago on this day...I wish I could bring you back, I wish you were here right now...I'm missing you so much and wanting to see you, talk to you, hear you laugh, see you smile, have you hug me, kiss me, and tell me how much you love me...Sometimes I get so mad at you for leaving me here...alone...all alone...no one can ever replace you, or what we had...I will forever miss that...I will give anything just to have you back...if only I could turn back the hands of time...why I didn't listen to my gut at 3 am I don't know, this is something I repeat in my head all the time and can't forgive myself for...Why didn't I get in the car like my gut told me too...today is going to be a bad day, last year I think I was just still numb and in denial, now it's setting in, your really not here, your really not coming back, your really gone and there is nothing I can do to change that...if I could I would in a heartbeat...yesterday I thought all day and replayed the 11th over and over in my head about the entire day from when we went to sleep, then when we woke up, and the calling and all the drama and nonsense that day...and then waking up today and opening my eyes and saying I have to find him right now, he's gone...I felt you gone...and then seeing you...the picture is so vivid in my head everyday...when will it go away I don't know...does it ever go away? Does it ever get better? I hope and prayer that tonight when I go to sleep you come to me in my dreams like you've done many times and I pray that I spend my entire dream with you...I love you Gene...I miss you like crazy...I need you now more than ever in my life...you were always there to pick me up when I was falling...please sweetie come to me in my dreams tonight please spend my entire dream with me all night so I can wake up and feel somewhat a sense of peace that I was able to spend time with you in my dreams...I Love You Always and Forever...Sweet Dreams in Heaven, all my love I send to you in Heaven...Many Kisses to Heaven my love...My Big Daddy LOL...I love you MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Rest Easy In Heaven
Sleep Peacefully in Heaven

Come visit me tonight

Loving you always,
Tina (your Doggie LOL)
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Happy Birthday in Heaven precious Eugene  / Janet (Mom To Nicholas Piccolo)
God bless
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I miss you baby  / TiNa (Soulmates)
My Love,

I miss you so much Gene, I found your letters thank god, and started to read them and had to put them away such powerful words...I love you baby...I can't believe it's almost 2 years it feels like yesterday I was saying "let me breath for you" God I would give anything to have you back...I know your with me in spirit but I miss kissing your lips, holding you in my arms, sleeping in your leg lock...

I love you baby and can't say it enough you will always be my true love and no one can ever take your place or fill your shoes...

I pray to God I dream of you tonight, I love seeing you in my dreams it's bittersweet...sometimes I wake up thinking it's not real but then I cry and realize it is real and your not coming back...but I love being able to see you in my dreams....

Please come to my dreams tonight so I can see your beautiful face, your amazing smile and hear your laughter...I wish I could sleep in your arms and hear you say Tee, it's going to be ok...

I love you forever and always...

Loving you Non-Stop,
Tina Close

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY GENE  / Debbie Wengert (Kevin's Mom )

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Gene to you and yours during this holiday season  / Debbie Wengert (Kevin's Mom )

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So I turned 30 years old and you weren't here to celebrate...  / Tina (My Love, My Life! )
My Dearest Gene, 
I don't come to this site, it's too hard for me, in the beginning it gave me comfort now it hurts to come here, reality setting in? I think so!

Well today (11/26) I turned the BIG 30 and you were not here with me to celebrate!

Last year I thought we were going to celebrate your 30th together the plans I had for you my love - which you had no idea, it was a surprise, instead you surprised me by leaving us 6 days shy of your 30th Birthday :'( I never got to celebrate your 30th and now you didn't get to celebrate mine.

Today I laid in my bed all day and cried my eyes out, missing you, thinking of you and wishing you were here! Wishing I could pick up the phone and call you my love and here your voice - tell me Doggie, it ain't easy, it's ok tee, it will get better, hang in there, for the grace of God, I love you Tee. God if I could only hear those words out of your mouth! 

Many memories replayed in my head today, some good some bad...I keep closing my eyes and remembering looking into those eyes of yours, how sweet they were, tender, and yet so full of emotions, how we would stare into each others eyes with no words and knew exactly what we were thinking :'(

I get mad too Gene, today I got so angry, thinking this isn't supposed to be like this, what the fuck, why Gene why?!?!??!

I get mad when people say he was so selfish, they don't have a fucking clue what the fuck they are talking about, I get mad but again like I said since you left, I had to sit and ask myself a very serious question and that is:

Would I rather have Gene here living in such deep pain, and so unhappy and full of such deep hurt, and things he could not control and hated about himself so that I don't cry and I don't grieve? 

OR

Would I rather let Gene go be with God, finally in peace, never to hurt again and rid of all his sickness and allow me to grieve and cry for you? And for me to deal with this pain?

You know what m Close

Happy Memorial Day Gene  / Debbie Wengert (Kevin's Mom )

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HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TINA  / SELMA FLYNN
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Mother's Day  / Debbie Wengert (Kevin's Mom )

Mother You filled my days with rainbow lights,
fairytales and sweet dream nights,
A kiss to wipe away my tears,
Gingerbread to ease my fears.
You gave the gift of life to me,
And then in love, you set me free.
I thank you for your tender care,
for deep warm hugs and being there.
I hope that when you think of me,
A part of you, you'll always see.

Love Gene

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A Poem for You With Love . . .  / Marla Williamson Milo's Mom (Friend)

"I'll send you for a little time
A child of mine, He said,
For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be forty or fifty years,
Or even two or three
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him, for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked this wide world over
In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes
I have selected you.

Now, will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take him back again."

I fancied that I heard him say,
'Dear Lord thy will be done.'
For all the joy thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.


We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to
understand.

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GENE / Debbie WENGERT (Kevin's Mom )

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Michael Ryans mom  / Shirley George (My prayers )
My dear Tina
 May the lord carry you through this terrible loss until you can carry it yourself. 
My son became an angel April 13th this month 3 yrs ago. The Lord has his soul but I have his love in my heart forever. We know " Absent from the body, Present with the Lord " but Gene has so gently left his footprints on your heart forever. He  will forever be your reason for living to carry on the memory of such a sweet loving angel he has become. Love is not supposed to hurt but we hurt because we do love. God Bless You Tina
                           What is this that comsumes me and makes me search & seach?
                           To find some peace within my soul,I know not where to go.
                            I laugh and cry and hope and dream
                            I do all that mortals do
                            But I can not find my place within this world of mine.
                            In dreams I live another life, I hardly reconize
                            The feelings that I long for I begin to realize.
                            So, lord when I awake tomorrow, please help me find the way.
                            To live my life and feel my life
                             With all my heart I PRAY
                                                 Written by Shirley A. George

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happy easter  / Zachary Vanwinkle's Mom ^i^

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